SITUATIONSHIP Part 4: In my feelings

  I often found myself daydreaming about a life together with Tommy. One that included No One else but US. No Boyfriend, No Girlfriend just us. I wanted to lay on his chest with his arms wrapped around me every night. I wanted us to have a huge house with a huge yard for our huge family. I wanted to plan family vacations as well as baecations where the adventures would be limitless. I wanted to get lost in his love until the end of time

  He made me feel Beautiful. A way I have never felt about myself. He put my insecure thoughts to shame. He made them irrelevant. He was the first man in my life to challenge me to be a better me not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Spirtually I wanted to be connected to him in every way possible. When it came down to who i wanted .. my mind, soul and body chose him over and over again. He was my Everything and  I put that on EVERYTHI.....

~RINGGGGG RINNNNGGG~

 My thoughts were interuppted by that sound blaring through the speakers of the car.
"Who calling US bae?!" I joked as i looked over to the screen in the middle of the dashboard. 

 The name WIFEY came across the screen. I rolled my eyes quick enough for Tommy not to see. He looked over and held up a finger signaling me to either stay quiet or to give him a minute. Either way That Shit ruined my whole entire mood. He hit the accept call button.

"Hello"

"Hey Baby" She said as her annoying voice filled the air around me basically sufficating me.

"Hey Baby, What"s up?"

" Let me tell you what this dumb ass girl did just before i went on my break ."

Tommy looked over at me as I sank in my seat and folded my arms. This was not only going to be a long conversation but one that would have me ready to smash my head through the windshield.

  14 minutes and 36..37..38..39 seconds passed as I sat in the car listening to this girl complain about everything but why the sky was blue. They called themselves chitchatting while i was siting over here not being able to say a word like I was on time out !! I was tooo through. I was tired of her damn voice and i was damn sure tired of listening to whatever problems she had wit her coworkers and everyone else. I sat up quickly in my seat making Tommy look over at me. I moved my hand across my neck making a cut it motion. I WAS DONE with hearing this shit. It was my day...OUR day and we were going to operate as such. I was not tolerating this shit any longer. Hell he aint see me on the phone with my mans at home , did he?!  He mouthed the words OK and put up that damn finger again. See now I was ready to break his shit. I opened my mouth up wide as if I was about to scream. She countinued to talk as he made no effort to end the conversation. Bruh Bruh must have thought I was playing with him .... I wasnt! I let out a loud SIGHHHHH..

"AHHHHHHH"  Tommy yelled trying to mask my sound .

"What the hell you scream for Baby" her naive ass asked.

" This truck was cutting over, it almost hit me!!" 

"You need to be focused on the road Thomas , you probably have your phone in ya hand on Facebook.!!! you probably havent even been listening to shit I've been sayin. LIKE ALWAYS!!!"

    OH NO bitch WE were listening for almost 20 minutes!! 20 minutes I cant get back. I rolled my eyes sooo hard. I thought they were gonna get stuck.

" I was listening woman , but look I"m bout to pull up at Chris's house. Ima call you a little later. "

"mmhmm i hear you .. Bye "

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The call disconnected without him being able to reply.

"FINALLY, I screamed , What the fuck !! How long was you planning on staying o the phone?" I said making sure my disgust showed.

"It wasn’t my fault boo..."

“ Yes the hell it was! Why you pick up anyway? You don’t see me over here talking to my mans.” I snapped with a slight smirk knowing he ain’t like that shit.

“ Ooooohhh so he ya mans now?!”

“She wifey ain’t she, fuck outta here”  I said with as much attitude as I could muster.

The next five minutes felt like the longest ever. My legs were facing toward the door instead of facing him. I hated it when we fought but I also refused to keep my mouth shut when something bothered me. I wasn’t having it! That was something I did too many times in the past. I let others feelings come before mine and there was no one who put mine before theirs. I would be hurt but not wanting to cause problems I would act as if everything was ok when it wasn’t. In doing so....I suffered.

Engulfed in my feelings I was catapulted into a dark place. One that bought on emotions that I had wished were long gone and here I was feeling them. Tears fell from my eyes as I quickly tried to wipe them away not wanting him to see. Over the years, I had acquired somewhat of a tough skin. I tried to not let things bother me he had a girl and I had a man, I knew what this was, I knew what I had gotten myself into but I had no control over this. The tears continued to fall faster than I could wipe them away. Tommy reached over and placed his hand on my thigh. I cried harder no longer trying to hide it. He grabbed my hand and pulled it to his lips and kissed it.

 "Im sorry boo, Dont cry, I'm sorry ok!"

 I didnt respond. I was embarassed to be crying over something so little. We had been dealing with each other long enough to have to witness one another's bullshit ass anniversaries, bitrhdays, and valentines days. But I dont know.... something about today .. something about now, had me fucked up!!

I WAS IN MY FEELINGS

"I'll make it up to you, I promise, I was insensitive and that was fucked up." 

 I looked over at him trying to figure out if he really Got IT or if he was just trying to diffuse the situation. Tonight was suppose to be about us and I did not want to let anything get in the way of that . i decided to temporarily let it go and live in the moment.  I exhaled and said "OK"